My wife, Laryssa, my nerdy friend, Andrew, and I went to the amusement park together this past summer. I would have preferred Laryssa and I going alone, a date-night of sorts, but she insisted that Andrew come with us. I assumed she felt bad about leaving him alone, so I agreed to let him tag along with us. The funny thing is, when I overhead Laryssa invite Andrew, he had the gall to ask her if I had to come along as well.

My Hot Wife Thinks My Nerdy Friend is a Stud (In Comparison to Me)

It was a little hard for me to see the blossoming friendship between my fellow geek of a friend and my trophy-wife. He always liked her – who wouldn’t – but she never really got to know Andrew in comparison to the rest of my friends. She wasn’t trying to be a ‘mean girl,’ she just saw him as another one of my dorky friends, no different than me.

The thing is, Andrew sort of likes to amuse people when others are around by making me look bad in front of them. He’ll use me as a punchline for his jokes, point out my inability to do various manly things, and just make fun of me in general. For a nerd, Andrew sure was a jerk. He didn’t do that to other people, and just me. I guess in his eyes; he saw me as an inferior beta male despite being one himself.

Then my wife started to notice the things Andrew would do to humiliate me. She watched him make me tap out in front of her when he and I were tussling around. She giggled when he would stick his leg out to trip me as I walked down movie theater isles with a handful of popcorn. She even saw him shove a dirty sweatsock he was wearing into my mouth just to shut me up while I was telling a story to the guys. When Andrew started to notice her attention towards him, it was like she was his audience and he was the performer. She kind of looked at him like he was a celebrity in that regard.

The day we went to the amusement park was fun for them, but not for me. I literally tagged behind them like a child following their parents. At one point, Andrew stopped Laryssa from stepping in ice cream by grabbing her hand and yanking her body into his. They smiled at each other as she leaned him while he put his arm around her. Andrew looked at me as she did this, gave me a devilish smile and winked.

I had to use the bathroom, and before I left, Laryssa told me to meet her and Andrew in the lineup for the Alpine ride, which is a trolley that hovers over the amusement park from beginning to end. A sky taxi, of sorts, hung by cable wires, the kind you see in ski resorts. The Alpine ride had a line-up, so when I finally managed to catch up with Andrew and Laryssa, they were almost at the front of the line. I pushed my way up the ramp so I could reach them, which people surrounding me were none too happy about. I called out to Andrew and Laryssa a few times, but they couldn’t hear me. They seemed to be too distracted with each other the way they were positioned. I didn’t have my reading glasses on, and although my eyesight is decent, it is far-sighted. I could see my fellow nerd and my wife, just not their facial expressions. I could only see them look into each other’s eyes, smiles on their faces. Andrew was leaning against the railing, and my wife was practically hugging him the way his arms were clutching her ribs. She didn’t seem to be uncomfortable with his big thick hands on her bare skin.

When I got halfway up the ramp, some meathead stopped me in my tracks when I tried to squeeze by him.

“There’s a line-up, faggot.” The big jock said, looking down at me and pushing me away with the tip of his finger against my chest.

“No, I’m with them,” I replied, pointing at Andrew and Laryssa.

“They don’t seem to know you’re coming.” The jock said, looking over at them.

“Just let me catch up with my wife and friend, will you?” I said in frustration.

“That’s your wife?!” He said, taken back. “There’s no way a fag like you would ever nail a broad like that.”

“She’s my wife, now if you’ll excuse me,” I said in anger, angry that his thoughts echoed what I’ve always believed deep down – that I was way out of her league. We just did not look like a match made in heaven. She was a perfect 10, and I was the complete opposite. I’d like to think Andrew was just as nerdy as me, and while that was true, looks-wise, he was boyishly cute and in comparison, to me, looked more like the guy she should be with, aesthetically. This floored me because before she spent any time with him, you wouldn’t see him in anything outside of WWE apparel watching Star Trek, smoking cigarettes, and eating junk food. Now he had the hottest girl on the block in his arms…my girl, at that.

After making me say “please” and “sir” while doing a little begging, the brute finally let me go. Andrew saw me coming from the corner of his eye. Just as he did, a cart arrived ready for my nerdy friend and my wife to board. With a smirk on his face, Andrew ushered Laryssa into the buggy as I sprinted up the ramp. Once I got to the front, an usher blocked me from going any further, while another usher closed the door of the buggy my friend and girl were in and signaled for it to move. I shouted at them, and while my wife didn’t seem to hear me, Andrew looked me in the eyes and smirked before giving me the thumbs-up.

“You just blocked me from getting in the same buggy as my friends,” I said to the usher in front of me.

“Naw, dawg, I was doing them a favor.” The usher chuckled. “Dat girl wants to take care of that dude, know what I mean?” He said to me closing his fist and moving it in an up-and-down motion. I had no idea what he was suggesting, nor did I want to stimulate further conversation with a man who butchers the English language.

The next buggy arrived, and I got in. I was right behind the buggy Andrew and Laryssa were in, and even though I didn’t have my glasses on and the cage of the buggy blocked a lot of the scenery, I could see Andrew with his head cocked back, his arms spread on the back of the seat. I couldn’t see Laryssa anywhere, though. I shouted their names, but it was useless. We were pretty high up, the Alpine machinery carrying our buggies were quite noisy, and of course, there was the roar of the crowd below us, along with the noises of an amusement park’s rides.

I was about to text my wife that I was in the buggy behind her, but just as I was about to type, I got a text from Andrew sent to me and our mutual friend, Rob. The message was a picture of me in in the buggy across from me, with the caption “OBLIVIOUS.” Rob replied with a laughing emoji, followed by a thumbs-up. I looked over at Andrew, and he was looking at me, laughing and talking. I still couldn’t see my wife, and the mystery became even stranger when I considered the perspective of the picture he sent Rob and me. His view was facing me, yet my wife was nowhere in that line of scenery, which would imply that she was sitting beside him. I looked over at his cart again, and though I lacked my reading glasses, I couldn’t see anyone to his left or right. Where could she be? Was it possible that she didn’t board the buggy, and that I just thought I saw her in in it? Did she opt out of getting on the carnival ride with him? If so, why didn’t I see her doing so?

Andrew’s buggy began to reach the arrival side of the Alpine ride, and as it swooped down, I saw the usher – who was supposed to stop the buggy and unlock it – look at Andrew and smile. I saw the usher’s eyes go down and look into the buggy like Andrew had something in his lap. The usher put his ear to the cage while Andrew shouted something into it while pointing at me with a smirk on his face. Whatever he said, it was enough for the usher to fist-bump Andrew through the buggy’s cage and signal for a round-trip. Andrew’s buggy made a U-turn and departed into the air once more.

When my buggy arrived, the same usher stopped and unlocked my buggy. I asked him to give me around trip, but he told me the carnival ride was only one-way, and that I had to get out.

“No, you don’t understand, I’m with them,” I said to the usher, pointing at Andrew’s airborne buggy.

“Yeah, I know,” The usher replied, chuckling, and thumbing over his shoulder as if to imply that I should leave the buggy. “He told me.”

“What did he say?” I asked, staying put.

“Just get out of the fuck out of the buggy, cock-block,” The usher replied. “You’re holding up the line.”

I immediately obeyed his command, realizing I was inconveniencing others while wondering what a ‘cock-block’ was. I was bothered that some punk kid just barked orders at me, gave me an attitude, and bent the rules for Andrew, yet not for me. As far as I knew, Andrew didn’t even know the usher, so what could the kid have seen that stimulated him into giving Andrew a round-trip ride? It was almost like he was giving Andrew more time…but for what? What did Andrew whisper to the usher? Why did he say that would let the kid bend the rules for a complete stranger like that? It was like one bro was helping out each another, like one alpha watching the back of another. In that analogy, I seemed to play the role of an obstacle.

My Hot Wife and My Nerdy Friend Joined the Mile-High Club on an Amusement Park Ride

I walked back to the other side of the Alpine ride, though on foot it took me over 25 minutes to get there, keeping in mind the size of the crowd that slows down speed drastically. I texted my wife and Andrew several times without getting a reply from either one of them. About halfway into my way there, I got a message from my wife, a photo with the caption “LOVE THE VIEW FROM HERE, HONEY!” The photo was of the beautiful sky surrounding us, although it was somewhat bright and the sky was baby blue. I looked up and the sunset was kicking in, and while the skies were clear, they had more of a purple, yellowish hue to it. This told me the picture was taken while I was in the buggy, which meant that she was in the buggy with him! Why couldn’t I see her? I looked at the picture again and saw that there were plenty of fence holes in the cage’s buggy. If she had taken the picture on foot, there would be fewer fence holes, since she’d have wider holes from her perspective. Adding to the fact that the picture was more of a high-angle shot, it meant it was taken from the ground. Is that why I couldn’t see her in the buggy? Was she on the ground taking pictures? Is that what she was doing while Andrew had his arms spread on the seat with his head cocked back during the ride?

I finally reached the other side of the Alpine ride and saw Andrew leaning against the wall with a smug look on his face, which turned into a smirk as I approached him.

“Eh…sorry about that little-mix-up-ah,” He said to me insincerely.

“It’s fine,” I replied. “Where’s Laryssa?”

“Eh…she’s washing up,” Andrew said, nodding to the ladies’ room.

I was about to ask him what she was washing up when Laryssa came out of the washroom scrubbing her shirt with some tissues.

“It won’t come out!” Laryssa said to Andrew before realizing I was standing beside him. There were linear streaks all over her shirt. A lot of them. And those streaks were thick, too. My wife’s lips were gorgeous shining in the sun, glossier than usual, though.

“Eh…I’m gonna take a leak-ah,” Andrew said, which I thought was rather blunt to say with a lady around. “I’ll be right back-ah.” The smile he gave my wife and the one she slightly reciprocated made me feel like there was some inside joke between them.

Laryssa and I waited for Andrew, making small talk no differently than we usually did. We always got along great, but since Andrew had been spending more time with her, we weren’t as physical as we used to be. In fact, there was almost no sensual contact between us. You would think that would have impacted our relationship, but we were still emotionally connected, and I still felt like she loved me. There was nothing disingenuous about her affection towards me. While it was romantic, it wasn’t sexual. I was going to bring this up with Andrew when I was alone with him, hoping to get his thoughts on it. I felt silly even thinking about bringing it up to him, considering no girl was ready to date a guy wearing WWE t-shirts – or at least someone who used to up to very recently. But, when I saw how my wife was practically hugging him in the Alpine lineup and the way she was comfortable with his big hands on her skin, maybe he had something to say that could help me.

While my wife went to sit on a bench, I joined Andrew in the washroom. I saw Andrew having a private conversation with none other than the usher from the Alpine ride that gave him a round trip. Neither one of them noticed me, despite me walking right past them.

“Does that count as the mile-high club, bro?” The usher asked Andrew.

“Eh…it does for me-ah…” Andrew replied, sucking in air with his modest laugh, fist-bumping the usher.

“Um…what’s the mile-high club?” I awkwardly asked Andrew to break the silence.

“Eh…someplace you’ll never go-ah…” Andrew said, laughing to himself again as he zipped up and walked behind me, but not without first ruffling my hair with his big thick hand.

My Nerdy Friend and My Hot Wife Made Me Feel Like a Third Wheel

We met Laryssa in front of a game where you had to knock over a bunch of bottles to win a prize. If you did it on one shot, you get the grand prize, which was a stuffed animal of the winner’s choosing. In an effort to showcase my male bravado, I valiantly declared that I would win my wife a prize.

“Eh…this should be good-ah…” I heard Andrew whisper in Laryssa’s ear as I paid for four balls.

“Shhh…give him a chance!” Laryssa whispered back, turning her head towards his so that their cheeks were touching.

The first ball I threw was beyond embarrassing, worse than the first pitch 50 Cent threw at the Mets game. The second shot didn’t make contact with the bottles, either. The third shot took all my strength, and I hit the top bottle, but not hard enough to make it even tip over. Just as I was about to throw the fourth ball, Andrew grabbed it out of my hand and looked over at my wife.

“Eh…which one do you want?” He asked her, nodding to all the giant stuffed animals.

“The pink one.” She replied looking at a giant bunny while blushing and biting her bottom lip.

“Wanna kiss it good luck?” Andrew asked my wife with a smile while getting into position.

“I think I did more than kiss it up there, didn’t I?” She replied, pointing up at the Alpine buggies traveling above us.

“I meant the ball,” Andrew said to her, smirking. Both of them looked at me before Andrew stepped back and threw the ball almost effortlessly. All the bottles got knocked down in one fell swoop. It was impressive, to say the least. Andrew didn’t even break a sweat, while I was doused in sweat for my efforts.

The vendor pulled down the giant pink bunny while Laryssa gave her “hero” a big hug. Andrew had completely stolen my thunder and made me look like a total wimp without even trying. Well, technically I made myself look puny. Andrew just put a spotlight on my incompetence.

“You guys are sweet.” The vendor said to Andrew and Laryssa. “How long have you two been together?”

“Oh, they’re not together,” I replied, holding up my wedding ring. “She’s with me.”

The vendor looked at me with her mouth open, speechless, then at Andrew and Laryssa. They looked back at her, smiled, then all three of them looked at me in silence. It felt like the vendor felt sorry for me, my wife was hiding something from me, and my nerdy friend was laughing at me. I had no explanation as to why.

I continued to tag along behind Andrew and Laryssa while holding the giant pink bunny he had won for her (with my money). My geeky friend had his arm around my smoking hot wife as they walked, while I was bumping into people trying to keep up. The stuffed animal obstructed my view somewhat, and some guys seemed to find a grown man holding a pink bunny funny.

“Laryssa, honey, can we go home?” I asked my wife after running up to her.

“It’s kinda early…” Laryssa replied with disappointment in her voice.

“Eh…why don’t you go home-ah?” Andrew suggested.

“That’s a good idea, sweetie,” Laryssa replied eagerly.

“You drove us here though, so…” I started to say. “Can I have the ke—”

“Here.” Andrew interrupted, reaching into his pocket and flinging his bus pass in my face.

“You want me to take transit home by myself holding a giant pink bunny?” I said, rhetorically.

“Eh…. yup,” Andrew replied without any hint of humor in his tone.

“Go home, sweetie.” My wife said to me with a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you later tonight. You can catch up on your TV shows while you’re by yourself!”

“Eh…and by that, she means you can go home and beat off in solitude.” Andrew joked, making Laryssa laugh along with him, though she did her best to hide her amusement.

“I’ll… I’ll just cab it home.” I said with my head down.

“Eh…nope-ah. Take the bus.” Andrew said.

“I’ll Uber it…” I said

“The bus,” Andrew said looking me in the eyes.

“Just do what he says,” Laryssa said to me, patting me on the shoulder and walking away with Andrew. I stood there stupefied, it wasn’t that long ago that the only thing he had to talk about was Star Trek, and now he was telling me what to do in front of my girl.

I walked over to the exit of the amusement park and was faced with several options. To the left of me was a big line for public transit. To my right were cabs lined up, and ahead of me was the pickup spot for Uber drivers. I had enough cash for a cab, and while Uber would have been the smart choice, there was something about the way Andrew told me to take the bus…multiple times, as if he was not happy that he had to repeat himself. There was something about his tone, his instruction, his superiority at that moment. I almost felt like it was fitting that my girl was with him at that moment instead of me, while I had the prize he won her in my hands – one that made me look like an inferior, effeminate male. I could already hear the snickers as people walked by me upon seeing what I was holding, and I knew if I took the bus, I’d get so much more of that. It would have been so much easier to just have an automobile take me home.

Facing the wrath of Andrew for not obeying his command seemed like the worse of the two evils, though, and I got in line for the bus. I saw the vendor behind me, the one who handed me the stuffed animal.

“See this chump in front of me?” I heard her say to her friend. “His girl went home with the guy who won it for her.”

“You’re kidding!” Her friend replied while laughing.

I was cringing in embarrassment. The vendor said that loud enough for everyone on the bus to turn their way and look at me. I could see college guys in front of me laughing. I held Andrew’s bus pass in my hands, clutching it as if it represented my newfound status quo. I sat alone on the bus with the stuffed animal on my crotch. Thankfully it concealed the boner that throbbed in my pants while I wondered what my wife and my nerdy friend were doing together without me around to ‘block’ them.

END